Cars in Heaven

Three men died and stood in front of God. God asked the first man if he had been faithful to his wife. The man admitted to two affairs during his marriage. God gave him a compact car to drive in heaven.
The second man admitted to only one affair and was given a mid-sized car.
The third man was asked the same question and said that he had been faithful to his wife until the day he died. God praised him and gave him a big luxury car.
A week later the three guys met in a parking lot in heaven. The man driving the luxury car began to cry.
"What's the matter?" the other two men asked.
He replied, "I just passed my wife, and she was riding a bike!"

Rude parrot

David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. David tried to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior." David was astounded at the bird's change in attitude, and was just about to ask what had made such a drastic change, when the parrot continued, "Now, if I may ask, what did the chicken do?"

Jokes " custody"

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, "Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

JOKE . Dead Rabbit

This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.

He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"

The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"

The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"

Men and Women

- A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

- A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.

- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

- To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

- To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

- Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

- A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.

- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

- Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

New Mathematics

New Math

- Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profits

- Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production

- Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion

- Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

Joke " A beautiful Gurl.

Wife: Yesterday I saw a very beautiful girl.

Husband: Then what happened?

Wife: I just kept on admiring her, on and on..

Husband (gets irritated): WHAT happened then?

Wife smiled and said: I moved away from the mirror!

Joke. A four year old little boy

A four year old little boy was at the doctor’s office with his mother in the waiting room when he spotted a pregnant lady on the other side of the room. Having nothing better to do, he walk over to her and inquisitively asks “Why is your stomach so big?”

She replied, “Im having a baby.” With big eyes, he replied, “Is the baby in your stomach?” She said, “He sure is.”

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look on his face, asked yet another question, “Is it a good baby?” She said, “Oh, yes. It’s a real good baby.” At this point the woman is thinking the little boy is incredibly cute and looks foward to what he has to say next…

And, much to her suprise, with an even more surprised and shocked look than before, he asks.. “Then why did you eat him?”

Did you know that of your physical possessions, your body is the most valuable and irreplaceable. You can't order a new one and spare parts are hard to come by, difficult to install, and don't work as well as the original equipment. Care for your body well.

Dubai opportuinity

Now you can register at Dubaimlm and earn yourself some dollars which you can use to buy things from dubai. Although it as closed sin april 20th or thereabout but you still have the grace to register through a member. Note that you are not collecting the dollars but you can only use it to buy from them depending on how much you have made for yourself. You will get a $50 when you register and $10 on every new member that registers through you then $1 each on every member that registered through the person you introduced. You can make up to $10,000 depending on the number of people you introduce and spend your money on stuffs like laptop, cell phones, tv, dvd, shirts, and so many other things.
This is not a must but atleast you can save those money you use in buying shirts and shoes and still have you stuffs for free i mean just by introducing people.

Visit www.ayo2ndey.dubaimlm.com to start and earn some money for yourself and me and spend your dollar as from may 17th if the company will not change the date.

N.B : I think all registrationg might close on that 17th of may.